27 more things i learned in 27 years
back with a fan favourite for another year baby!!
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hello! this is now the third edition of a list of things i’ve learned in the few years of my life. i wrote one when i turned 25 and another when i turned 26, so now for my 27th birthday, i wanted to write another. since a lot of my readers are a little younger than me, i figure these lists might be helpful so you maybe make a few less mistakes than me. or at least different ones.
1. you don’t need to believe yourself when you think people hate you for no reason
most people don’t have any reason to hate you, and it took me a long time to realize this. people aren’t think about you 24/7, and if they are thinking about you, it’s probably not in a negative way. my “inner critic” (as my therapist calls it) will convince me that i’m a terrible awful person who everyone secretly despises, but the way i speak to myself and think about myself isn’t the way a normal person would, especially not a friend. you don’t need to believe every thought you have.
2. the vast majority of politicians don’t actually have principles
politicians like power and attention. the reason they choose their political parties mostly has to do with where they would be most successful, not where their actual beliefs lie. nobody falls perfectly within a party line, and party lines are pretty insane most of the time anyway. there are very few people who get into politics because they want to help people, and if you believe you’ve found someone who does, you should be very very very skeptical of them. that said, there are really great people in politics sometimes, and i’ll acknowledge it when i see it, but i don’t really think the key to change is in electoral politics.
3. be skeptical when a person just tells you they’re a “leftist” with no other details
most of the time, they’re just a liberal. ask them what they actually believe in, because you won’t be able to figure it out through a broad label like “leftist” or “progressive.”
4. people who support a war will deny they ever supported it 10 years later
democrats will always say they didn’t support the iraq war, but according to the pew research center, 52% of democrats supported military action in iraq in 2003. someone’s gotta be lying!
5. not eating enough can fuck up your stomach
skip this one if you don’t want to read about disordered eating habits!
this past year i had some very very restrictive eating habits, i was looking for a sense of control in my life, something to put my energy and focus into while unemployed, and truthfully i really just wanted to lose weight and be skinnier. my weight is a lifelong insecurity, and i expect i will never stop having the impulse to be restrictive. anyway, after about a year of very intense calorie counting and daily exercise with hardly any rest days, i started having awful stomach problems. i’m still dealing with some right now, and i really wish i had been kinder to myself and more moderate with my calorie deficit. i don’t regret losing the weight, but i shouldn’t have been doing it in such an unhealthy way, and i hope i don’t make the same mistake again.
6. take more photos and have a journal
there are months and months of my life where i don’t really know what i was up to because i didn’t document anything at all. i didn’t take photos at parties or write down my inner thoughts, and i wish i did. i like looking back on photos or journals and thinking about where i was at the time, and it’s unfortunate to not have all of it that i want. you’ll be glad you took those photos.
7. do everything you can to fix your insomnia if you have it
as i write this i’m watching the sun rise (feb 8) because i can’t sleep! i feel like shit! but i also have terrible habits around sleep. i don’t stop looking at screens before bed, i’ll drink tea or coffee right before i’m supposed to sleep, and i do not meditate or do yoga like doctors keep telling me to. but that needs to change because this shit isn’t sustainable!
8. don’t do calculated things for attention
don’t post a song on your instagram story that you know your crush likes. don’t post about reading a book you know your crush is also reading so they notice and say something. just be normal. people like that more i think.
9. read things by people you disagree with
just pirate them so they don’t get your money.
10. consider your face shape and hair texture before giving yourself an impulsive haircut
okay, so i’m not necessarily advocating for doing phrenology on yourself, but it is reasonable to consider whether a haircut will emphasize features you don’t like about yourself. i have impulsively cut my hair into a short bob way too many times for someone with a long face and a strange wave pattern! it’s fine to experiment and learn what works, but try not to make the same mistake repeatedly if you want to avoid embarrassment.
11. on a similar note, baby bangs don’t look good on most people
i thought yolandi visser or 2012-era hayley williams bangs would look good on me but they do not. they don’t look good on most people. i don’t mean to be a bitch but just edit it on photoshop before you do anything because they are awful to grow out.
12. take the time to mourn tragedies, but don’t let it keep you from taking action
we all need to take the time to grieve when awful things happen, from deaths in the community to international atrocities. you don’t need to be posting 24/7 if it’s too draining, but know that you can channel your grief, anger, and mourning into enacting change, through protesting, organizing, making art, or helping those affected in any way you can. don’t let your pain make you stagnant if you can help it.
13. listen to music you think you might dislike
give everything a chance! don’t be that guy who says you don’t like a specific genre, you don’t actually know that you don’t. listen to the full album of an artist you think you don’t like just to see if you actually like any deep cuts, pick a genre playlist and listen to a wider selection, and ask your friends for recommendations. anything is possible! and don’t just rely on what algorithms tell you to listen to, seek out music curated by actual people in addition to whatever else. those human recommendations are likely much more interesting.
14. a criterion channel subscription (or asking someone if you can use their account) is always worth it
you seriously can’t go wrong with criterion. there are so many good movies on there and lots of curated lists. you don’t need to be a cinephile to enjoy it, but it might make you into one.
15. look at little flowers in the grass or tiny mushrooms on trees
i go on regular walks and part of the joy of that is seeing the changes in the environment in my neigbourhood. when i see new flowers blooming i take photos and keep an eye on how they grow in the coming days and weeks. and one time this winter i realized how many trees in my area were covered with these tiny little mushrooms hidden among the bark and moss. it made me feel a sense of awe i hadn’t experienced before.
16. exercise is good for you
getting started with exercising more fucking sucks but once you get into it it’s hard to stop. i started with walking regularly and recently got into playing tennis at a public court with my boyfriend. exercise doesn’t have to be intense, just find the thing that makes you want to keep doing it. but be careful not to push yourself past your limit! take breaks and let yourself rest when you need it.
17. make some style mistakes to learn the hard way, it sticks better
you know how earlier i mentioned that it’s a good thing to experience a bad haircut, just don’t make the same mistake repeatedly? that’s an example of this. but i also think that it’s a good idea to dress how you want in a given moment and see if that works for you. thrift things, try out a new style, if it doesn’t work you can return, donate, or upcycle the clothing. try out a new hair colour, you can always dye it back (unless you’re putting black box dye over platinum blonde hair)
18. there is beauty in almost everything
pay attention to the buildings around you when you’re walking and look for the architectural features you never noticed before. maybe there’s a gargoyle, or an interesting roof, or a beautiful window. look at the wildlife that usually blends into your surroundings, pay attention to the way a squirrel is running across a power line or a pigeon is pecking at ants on the sidewalk. figure out what kinds of trees are around you and what kinds of clouds are in the sky. the world around you is beautiful and if you don’t pay close attention once in a while, you’ll miss a lot of it.
19. high pile carpets are hard to vacuum
i feel like i have so much cat hair packed into the one shaggy rug i have in my apartment and it doesn’t matter how much i vacuum it, i still have to pick hair out. if you don’t have a super powerful vacuum, shit’s gonna get stuck in there real easy.
20. inhaling wildfire smoke repeatedly can permanently damage your lungs
2015 was a pretty nasty wildfire year for us in BC and it was my first really memorable fire season living in vancouver. i hung out outside with my friends a lot and didn’t consider how much particulate i was inhaling, because it was the summer after i graduated high school, i’m supposed to be out with my friends climbing on school rooftops at 3am, right? the next few summers i also worked outside a lot, and after working as a hostess during another particularly bad fire season with no air purifiers in the space, no masks to rely on, and having to constantly go between the patio and the indoor part of the restaurant for hours and hours every day, i eventually developed asthma. and it fucking sucks! i can’t enjoy a joint or smoke shisha anymore, if i run too much i can’t catch my breath, and sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night unable to breathe. plus i have to be extra cautious about covid because it could get a lot worse if i get sick. so don’t fuck around with wildfire smoke, wear an N95 or equivalent mask if you need to be outside when it’s smoky, and do everything within your power to stop corporations and governments from accelerating climate change, because it only makes fires, and by extension our health and wellbeing, worse and worse.
21. read religious texts
this year i started reading the qur’an again, and the old testament. i tried reading both when i was younger but i think doing so when i’m older and can understand it all a bit better makes more sense. i took away a lot from both, and even though i’m not really religious, i think it’s important to understand religion, both for a better understanding of world history and current events, but also of the people around you. approach religions with an open and curious mind, ask questions, look things up, and allow yourself to question your own current beliefs as well.
22. put flags in your display name only with an abundance of caution
when is it appropriate to remove a flag from your name? if you include some but not others is that weird? at this point, most flags are a warning sign for me to stay away from you. unless it’s a palestine flag, that’s totally fine.
23. having tidy surroundings might make you happier
i’ve had really bad depression since my teen years which made it really hard for me to keep a tidy room growing up. since moving out i’ve been very strict about cleanliness and my mental health is a lot better when things are clean. i think decluttering your space helps keep clutter out of the mind.
24. that being said, don’t go insane about it like i did
i do have some issues surrounding control, so when that really started to spiral out of control last year i started cleaning compulsively, like i could hardly do anything else most days. it made me so tired but i couldn’t stop until i physically couldn’t clean anymore. if you get obsessive about something like that, talk to a therapist or doctor, don’t let it go unchecked.
25. contrary to what i was taught growing up, some people do look good with thin eyebrows, and i believe i might be one of them
my mom always told me never to overpluck my eyebrows. she plucked hers a lot in the 70s and they never grew back the same, but i was blessed darker eyebrow hairs than her that grow back seemingly instantly. they were pretty thick for most of my teen years and through my early and mid twenties, but now i realize they look really good thin. maybe i’ll look back on photos from now and regret it, but no one style of eyebrow suits everyone! experiment a little!
26. you can’t control a cat’s actions, you can only control your reaction to them
cats will do what they want. cats do not respond to your wishes, in fact they will usually go against your wishes. the only thing you can do is not yell at them, not reward misbehaviour, and change your surroundings so they don’t break anything. personally i am always rewarding my cat’s misbehaviour because she’s sooo cute. but i know i will never have control over her actions, and that’s okay. i love her for that.
27. deadlines are a beautiful thing
i would personally never get anything done if not for deadlines. any classes i had in university where there were assignments without due dates were so hard because i wouldn’t do anything until the last week of class. and i was only able to keep this newsletter super consistent when i set a hard deadline of getting posts out on fridays. deadlines keep me in check, and i expect i’m not alone in that.
thanks for reading, and i hope to write another one of these next year when i’m even even older and wiser. :) let me know what you think of any of these or if you have any questions. feel free to fight with me about baby bangs or music taste.