why is everything so fucking hard?

rambling complaints from a person perpetually in a freeze response

after the ball by ramon casas

i don’t know about everyone else, but i’ve been feeling deeply stuck lately. every time i have to do anything from making a meal to applying for a job to sending a simple text message, i feel like my entire body is trapped in mud. pulling myself out of the mud takes so much force that if i do pull myself out, i’m too tired to do what i needed to do. and if i just stay in the mud, i’m upset and feel helpless. the weight of my body is too difficult to hold upright and do a chore, and the sudden weight of my neurotransmitters makes it too hard for my neurons to fire enough to even make simple decisions. even just writing this last paragraph has made my arms feel like they’re being pulled down by invisible dumbbells.