she sub on my stack til i newsletter

new domain, age gap discourse and quick thoughts on the sopranos

hello lovely readers, happy september!

what’s new with me? well i’ve been feeling ill for 6 days and counting after eating a fiber one bar for breakfast with a black coffee (oh yeah, i also started drinking coffee again), i’ve been deeply unproductive in every way, and i bought a fun little domain name for this newsletter. i have a lot of drafts in going for future newsletters, with topics ranging from the idea of a girl’s girl, my experiences with EMDR, engagement bait, misinformation, content moderation, attachment styles and more. i have a lot of ideas, it’s just hard for me to succinctly express them at this point and they will come out when they come out.

i started watching the sopranos

i meant to watch it back in 2020 when lots of people were revisiting the show but i just didn’t get around to it until now. but i’m half way through the second season right now, and i really love it. it’s got me thinking a lot about mental illness, the way our family history impacts us throughout generations, masculinity and tradition, morality and legality, and the experiences of diaspora communities in america. i won’t get too into it so i don’t spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t watched it, but i see so many parallels to my life and my family in the show (though obviously my parents are not involved in organized crime), and it surprisingly makes me feel very understood. i highly recommend watching it if you haven’t!

chris evans married an adult woman and some people got mad?

to preface, i don’t give a shit about chris evans, i don’t watch marvel movies and couldn’t care less about the guy. and i know this is old news, i started writing this days ago, but having a GI problem makes it hard to sit upright and type. anyway, for those out of the loop, the news broke the other day that chris evans got married to a 26 year old actress, alba baptista, and the completely expected happened: a handful of people on twitter got very angry about their age gap. chris evans is 42 and alba baptista is 26, she’s just a few months younger than me.

because we’re the same age, i feel like i can easily say that people are blowing this shit way out of proportion. a 26 year old is a full grown adult, she is fully capable of making her own decisions, and a 26 year old (especially in the same industry!) has a lot more in common with a 42 year old than you may believe, if you’re a little bit younger. i have friends in their 30s and 40s who i relate to extremely well, while i often struggle to relate to people in their early 20s. once you enter the workforce and work among older people, you already have a lot more of an understanding of those people than the ones who haven’t had the same experiences.

anyway, if any rich 40-something actors want to marry me, my twitter DMs are open.

i’m having an endless amount of health anxiety

if you don’t want to read about my stomach issues just skip this part.

so my stomach. it’s all fucked up. i have no clue what’s going on. today i’m feeling a bit better, the toilet situation is less horrific after reaching an apex yesterday including some blood (which did make me have an anxious spiral), and while i think it’s because i ate a fucking fiber one bar, i truly don’t know. i was going to talk to a doctor over the phone today but since i’m feeling better, i’m just going to wait to see my actual GP to see if i have some chronic issue to get checked out. i’ve had some gut problems for years, i take after my dad in that way, and i always chalked it up to anxiety and a lack of respect for my lactose intolerance. but this week has been making me worry that i have something else wrong with me. maybe i have IBS, maybe it’s ulcerative colitis or crohn’s or colon cancer or diverticulitis. every time it gets bad i wonder if god exists and he’s mad at me for only praying when i’m scared. the last time i prayed i got the opposite outcome i was praying for. i’m not very good at the religion thing. i usually consider myself agnostic anyway. i’m probably going to write something about this specific type of health anxiety and semi-religious neuroticism i suffer from in the future.

track of the week

i’ve been obsessively listening to sonic youth’s 1992 album dirty, and if i had to pick one track i’m the most obsessed with, it’s swimsuit issue. kim gordon is just incredible. i love her voice and the raw emotion in it, and the lyrics are really to the point but so, so real. if you like this one, you should go listen to the whole album.

the signs as podcasts i’ve listened to recently

aries - seeking derangements

taurus - rehash

gemini - the adam friedland show

cancer - blowback

leo - chapo trap house

virgo - well there’s your problem

libra - high brow

scorpio - red scare*

sagittarius - fear&

capricorn - trashfuture

aquarius - trueanon

pisces - otherworld

*i do not condone listening to red scare