if they don't make hard mountain dew caffeinated i'm going to [redacted]
this is a threat
it’s 11 p.m., i forgot to write the newsletter earlier because i was busy enjoying life for once. oops!
but then my boyfriend showed me the hard mountain dew twitter page and i was inspired.
until i found out it’s not going to be caffeinated.
in defense of mixing drugs
look, i know caffeine in prepackaged alcoholic drinks was banned for a reason. one can of four loko used to contain more caffeine and alcohol than my body can handle in a day each. lots of people died or got hurt because of consuming four loko or other alcoholic energy drinks.
but people still drink shafts in victoria!
i’m definitely not advocating for people to be irresponsible with their consumption, i just think we could all use a bit more excitement and fun in our lives and i’d like that through getting absolutely fucked up on hard mountain dew.
truly, the best times in my life have been when i’ve mixed substances. having a joint with a latte is truly a wonderful experience even though it makes my heart pound at 150 bpm, and weed and alcohol are a match made in heaven for me (heaven is when i’m laying on the floor and the ceiling is spinning.)
and almost every time i drink, i’ve had caffeine within like 2 hours before my first drink, so i’m pretty much always chasing coffee with beer. i should probably give the half beer half coffee (boffee?) drink a try. i heard it’s not bad.
crush of the week
ezra koenig is an evergreen crush, been feeling this again more lately. such a nice voice, great musician, time crisis is a great show, 10/10, would go to a vampire weekend concert again.
track of the week
hey, look! a track of the week that isn’t over 10 years old! i’ve been thinking about how we’re living in hellish end times a lot and this song feels comforting even while entertaining the idea of it. honestly the whole album is a no-skips album for me, and this song is the perfect ending to it.
the signs as other signs
aries - taurus
taurus - leo
gemini - libra
cancer - virgo
leo - aquarius
virgo - pisces
libra - sagittarius
scorpio - capricorn
sagittarius - gemini
capricorn - taurus
aquarius - aries
pisces - cancer
ok but for real this time, the signs as bad decisions
aries - yelling at someone for looking at you weird
taurus - getting so high you can’t lift your legs
gemini - talking for 20 straight minutes about something only you care about
cancer - thinking yourself into a depressive state
leo - doing something egregious in public for attention
virgo - pissing off your friends by being a know-it-all
libra - taking both sides in a conflict and now everyone is mad at you
scorpio - holding in the intense emotions you feel every 10 seconds until you explode
sagittarius - travelling despite restrictions and getting+spreading covid
capricorn - literally being draco malfoy
aquarius - starting a revolution and completely failing
pisces - astral projecting so hard you actually leave your physical body