7 things that I don't think are real

Plus, the signs as instruments

Many things in this world are real. Most things are real. But some things are not. Here are some that I can’t get on board with.

Boris Yeltsin

Look at the guy. He’s just a nondescript looking Russian guy. I don’t think he was one person. Maybe before he became president he was, but I think Russia rotated Boris Yeltsins for 8 years until Russia had enough McDonalds.

Tapeworms

I’ve never had a tapeworm so I have a hard time believing they exist. You’re telling me you can eat a parasitic worm without realizing? You probably got food poisoning. Spare me the worm shit.

Neptune

Neptune has no solid surface as far as we know. It’s mostly gas and liquid. Yet it’s the densest of the giant planets? How the fuck is that a planet?? FAKE.

Binary code

1s and 0s can’t do all that. There’s a little guy inside my computer and my phone doing all the little things. There’s no way.

Glen Powell

He has a sort of uncanny appearance. That one picture of him smiling makes me feel unsettled and a little scared. I think he’s computer generated.

Sonic booms

I think someone is just playing a really loud noise over a speaker when they happen as a way of going “Look at me! Look how fast I’m going!!”

Pikas

Allegedly these little lagomorphs exist. My buddy told me he thinks he’s heard them before. I’ve seen videos of them. But I’ve never actually seen one. Nobody I’ve talked to has ever seen one. I think there’s people going “EEP” in the mountains and tricking us into thinking these adorable little things exist. But they’re too cute to be real. I just can’t get on board.

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Track of the week

Because I live under a rock I hadn’t heard of Magdalena Bay or that they had an album drop in August but this song came up for me on a Spotify playlist recently and it piqued my interest. I really like how dreamy and stimulating it sounds, it has really cool percussion, and I like Mica Tenenbaum’s voice a lot.

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The signs as instruments

Aries - Minimoog Model D

Taurus - Otamatone

Gemini - Kazoo

Cancer - Pan flute

Leo - 12 string guitar

Virgo - Harp

Libra - Piccolo

Scorpio - Balalaika

Sagittarius - Glockenspiel

Capricorn - Stroh violin

Aquarius - Mouth harp

Pisces - Theremin